More About Moi

Do you ever have fun?

I’m having a blast almost all the time. I may come across in this profile as a serious, somber person, but I actually am laughing and enjoying myself most of the time (as are, I think, the people that are with me). It’s just that my humor and laughter is context driven, rather than, say, just telling jokes out of the blue.

Tell us about your hard and soft sides

I have both a “hard” and a “soft” side. The “hard” side — my professional success, my intellectual interests — is quite hard, in the sense that I operate in the M&A world, a typically hard charging, fast paced world. I have several brilliant friends with whom I get together and we have intense intellectual discussions. I love that.

My “soft” side is quite soft. I crave emotional intimacy and far more than most guys, I am in touch with my feelings and able to express them. I am quite emotionally communicative and crave intimacy. I am extremely affectionate and can cuddle for hours. In these areas, I am more like a girl than most girls.

My soft side is stronger than my hard side, but those who are not close friends see more of my hard side than my soft side.

Are you a Type A personality?

I’m

title=”Type A personalities”>
Type A in some but not most ways. I’m definitely high energy and I like to get things done. If you want a relationship where we stay home every night of the week, I’m the wrong guy. I get a kick out of accomplishing things. Serving on committees where we talk for an hour about a task that would take 10 minutes to do alone frankly drives me nuts. I don’t like people that waste my time, and I usually find a way around most time wasters. I almost always show up on time. I prefer people who know what they want. I generally keep my desk and office organized. Because I like to get things done, I try to find a way to make things happen rather than find reasons why they can’t happen. I probably talk faster than most people.

On the other Type A characteristics, I don’t qualify. I’m not more competitive than most people; I tend to judge myself by my own standards rather than how others do (although I do look at what other people do and see if there is anything worth emulating). I used to be a workaholic but no longer; some would now say I’m a bum. I’m quite comfortable expressing my feelings, more so than most women, let alone men. I love spending time with family and friends.

One Website on Type A says: “Don’t ever tell a Type A person that he has a Type A personality. Their reaction may be more intense than you expect.”

You seem kind of controlling

I do have a 647-page “Girlfriend Manual” which describes in great detail how I would expect you to behave. It’s quite comprehensive and covers everything from how to dress, what kind of food I like, how to entertain — all the things a girlfriend needs to know. As long as you memorize it and follow it exactly, we’ll get along just fine. And it’s not as if I insist you memorize it before our first date. I usually don’t even give it to prospective girlfriends until the third or fourth date, and then I give them at least a month to learn it.

Seriously, I don’t know why, but some women have asked if I am controlling, based on what they read in this profile. Some, I think, presume that a high-powered M&A/LBO guy is usually controlling and wants things his way. Others asked this in response to particular sections, such as the “Girlfriend Job Description” at the very end of this profile.

I am inflexible when it comes to courtesy and manners. I return telephone calls and e-mails promptly, I show up on time, and I ask that you do the same. I don’t play games and I’ll tell you what I’m thinking, and I expect the same.

But in most areas, I’m quite flexible and accommodating. Whether you want to go to dinner, a play, a movie, a concert, a museum, a party, sailing, tennis, go on a day trip, go to New York for a weekend, I’m game. I like trying new things. It’s hard to find a cuisine I don’t like and I get along with all kinds of people. In most areas of life, I tend to be a “go with the flow” type of person. Very little upsets me. That’s probably because in business, crises are always coming up. I remember with the paper mill I bought, the rehab of our second paper machine cost a lot more than we thought and there were all kinds of technical problems. We finally got them solved, and then a key manager quit. After we found a replacement, our chief customer tried to renegotiate our main contract. After we won the arbitration hearing, there was flood that cost us millions of dollars! (Fortunately, we were insured.) After having experienced things like that, I frankly don’t sweat the small stuff.

How did you score on the Myers-Briggs personality test?

See my essay on the MBTI.

I’m a [fill in the blank] on the MB. Do you think we’re compatible?

I have found MB to be useful in understanding people, but not in accessing whether I would be romantically compatible with someone. Whether you click with someone cannot be ascertained from the 16 MB archetypes. (One could imagine a profile that measured breadth of intellectual interests, energy level, degree of verbal ability, intensity, and other factors that would indicate whether I would click with someone.) That said, if someone is a very strong I, I might wonder if she was outgoing enough to be a hostess for parties I would want to give with her.

It seems as if you’ve had a lot of change in the last couple of years

That’s for sure. It started in the first half of 2001, when my mother was diagnosed with cancer. That caused me to reevaluate my life. I stopped working all the time, realizing there were other things in life. I started to exercise quite seriously in Fall, 2001, and have become quite athletic. The third girlfriend I mentioned above (M) got me interested in nutrition. Then I started socializing in January 2002, and I’ve made a lot of friends, I’ve become quite popular, and I now give great parties. I’ve definitely had a lot of changes in the last couple of years.

With all this change, are you emotionally ready for a relationship?

Absolutely. 2002 and 2003 were years of adjustment, but I’ve adjusted to these significant changes. I’m a resilient person.

So if you’re working only 15 hours a week, what else do you do?

I work out about three hours a day, mostly riding my bike, stretching, and resistance training, but also playing other sports. I’ve been socializing almost every night. I’m learning how to sail and going to cultural events. I do want to continue buying companies, and I hope to buy 4 to 6 in the next 12 months.

It’s a rough life.

Going forward, I’ll no doubt attempt something ambitious, but I haven’t decided what that will be.

Any thoughts on community service?

I believe in noblesse oblige — I have been provided many advantages by society and I want to give something back. I was inspired by
“The Wise Men: Six Friends and the World They Made” by Walter Isaacson. Mr. Isaacson wrote about six extraordinary post World War II statesman — George Kennan, Dean Acheson, Charles Bohlen, Robert Lovett, Averell Harriman and John McCloy — who served their country for decades, often at great personal financial sacrifice, simply because they thought it was the right thing to do. Although I am much younger than that generation, it is the values of that generation and of those statesmen to which I most identify. Selfish people do not interest me.

What are some of your goals and principles in your life?

To never get bored. I don’t do boredom very well.
To spend as little time as possible doing mundane and trivial tasks.
To never have a boss. I’m a great manager and boss, I’m a great partner, and I’m a lousy employee.
To not have to jump through enough people’s hoops.
To live life to the fullest, to always be present, in the moment, what David Allen calls “in your zone.”
To associate with interesting, high quality, loyal people, many of whom will be friends for life.